My Words - Read Them

138 Arch Street

“All right, punch in the face rules,” I said and forced more bottles down into the cooler. “Number one, anyone who buys scratch off lottery tickets and expects to be able to do them right there and then hand them back in if they win anything. They definitely get punched in the face. You got one?”
“Ry, are you listening to this!” Larry said while watching the democratic debate. “They keep trying to tear each other a new asshole on every subject! Um, o.k. Number two, anyone who leaves their laundry in the washer or dryer for more then ten minutes after its done at the Laundromat.”
“Ahh, yes. Number three anyone who holds the elevator door for more then five seconds except for pregnant women, the handicapped, or old people,” I said. “I hate that when someone just sits there waiting for their friend that’s outside bullshitting.”
“Did you bring up a box of bud?” Larry asked.
“Yeah. Oh, and anyone who drives at night on the highway with their fucking high beams on,” I said. “They get clocked for each headlight. There’s no reason to have them on when on the highway in Connecticut, maybe in East Bum Fuck Nebraska, but not here.”
“Right, right, right. How about anyone who parks their cars diagonally across two spots just cause they drive a cool guy car,” Larry said leaning against the edge of the bar. “Holy shit did you hear that? Senator Kerry just said,
‘ If people want better deals on prescription drugs they should get Rush Limbaugh’s housekeeper.’ That’s the best thing I have ever heard.”
“Awesome,” I said. We stacked more bottles into the cooler, and just listened to the T.V.
“So all these ‘ beer pigs’ pretty much suck lately huh?” Larry punched through the bottom of a box, and folded it down flat. I don’t like to question his thought processes, so I went with it.
“Yeah, all they seem to want are dingle berries with whiskey dick. I don’t get it,” I said. We forced the last few Coronas into the cooler.
“Not it,” Larry said while putting his pointer finger to his nose.
“Bull shit! Rock, paper, scissors?” I held out my fist to start counting off.
“Fuck that, I won. Not it. Close the damn cooler. And plug that bitch back in.” Larry backed away from the cooler.
“Damn it!” I slammed the top shut. The plug always seemed to look wet, or damp, even if you dried it off with a towel. I even tried a hairdryer once. I knelt down, picked up the cord, and forced it toward the socket. These moments were probably the closest I came to getting high. And the inevitable crash and burn after against the back of the bar, under the register came without fail.
“That was fucking awesome! Holy shit the lights dimmed and everything that time!” Larry cupped his chin, and his eyes widened and didn’t blink.
I tried to keep my eyes open and said, “I call dibs on not doing that next time. Maybe the time after that, but not next time. Christ!” I leaned hard back into the bar. I hated this job.
“Hey, idiots.” Sharon said. “I have someone for you to meet. Allie these two monkeys are Larry, and Ryan is over there on the floor. Keep an eye on her for me.” Sharon winked and heaved her lips over her buckteeth into a smile.
I pulled myself slowly up the bar and looked into enormous brown eyes staring from a tiny little face. She seemed to melt into the darkness behind her, but her white tank top tied back around her forced you to see she wasn’t a little girl.
“I’d come out there to shake your hand, but the bar is covering my raging boner. Sorry.” Larry shrugged his shoulders.
“I…ahhherrr!” Again I was rocketed to the back of the bar because my knee nudged the cooler’s plug.
“You all right?” Allie said running up to the bar.
“He’ll be fine,” Larry said. “He’ll wake up in a few seconds.” I lay there with my eyelids fluttering, and my legs wedged up underneath me. My arms limp at my sides and my head hanging loosely down toward my left shoulder.
“I hope so, he’s sort of cute,” I heard Allie say like when people talk in a dream. Then she walked down the stairs.
I jumped up a few minutes later, all fired up, and shaking. I grabbed boxes and ran them down stairs, and ran more beer up stairs. I spent the rest of the night doing this, and keeping an eye on Allie as she moved through the crowd, but it was more that I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
I was finally coming down and leaned on the railing at the edge of the stage with one of the bouncers. He was this crazy ‘roid head named Chad. The best part was that, at most, he came to eye level with me when I was leaning on the railing. I usually pulled double duty running kegs, and breaking skulls since the boss was too cheap to hire a full security staff.
“She’s fucking hot isn’t she?” Chad said. “She has that perfect little toned body, and that skin! Holy shit. No need to tan, perfect. I’d lick her ass every night. At least that’s my plan for tonight.” Chad’s mouth barely moved as he yelled in my ear, and darted off down the steps toward Allie. Chad did a stint in the army after knocking his girlfriend, now wife, up. He did his four years, and is now working on the rest of his eighteen. He grew completely square after getting out, pumping his ass cheeks with everything he could scrounge up at the gym, then got hired here.
So, now, we have a square little muscle without a hole to fill. And whatever he said to Allie, she seemed to take it in stride, brushing him off without a problem, and leaving him drooling. She turned to me and tilted her head down and blinked slowly as she turned and walked away to bring her tray of dinks to her customers. I couldn’t tell a dumb stare from crystal clear looks of longing.
The end of the night found Larry and me at the door asking for a ride. Allie walked over and grabbed onto my gut, “I’ll take you guys home if you buy me breakfast.”
“What the hell you doing there lady?” I slapped her hand away.
“Shotgun, awesome.” Larry pushed the door open. And we all stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“I think it’s cute, so I grabbed it.” Allie smiled. Larry began reaching for her boob, but she smacked his hand away with a little bit of clawing with it.
“What the hell!” Larry winced in pain pulling his arm in and covering it with his free hand.
“Doesn’t work that way dick!” And we left, had breakfast, talked a little, and she dropped us off at our house. We did this a couple of more nights that week, or just got coffee. Mostly we just talked about nothing.
Then Larry’s father let him borrow his two-tone blue ford F-250, so we didn’t need rides to work and back. We were what you might call independent for once. But I figured it would be a nice gesture to walk Allie to her car the one night she was working. “So, what’s your story anyway? I know you don’t have a boyfriend. Are you sick of our shit in general, or just playing the field?” I said, my hands stuffed in my pockets, looking quickly to my right at Allie then to my feet.
“More or less both. Men can’t seem to handle my shit,” Allie said. Hair hid her face, as she also looked toward her feet.
“You’re that much of a handful, huh?” I smiled.
“I guess so.” We stopped next to her car. “You want a ride over to Larry’s truck?”
“No, it’s over on the other side of the block, and the highway’s right there for you. It would be faster for me to walk. I’ll just cut through the buildings.” I caught her brown eyes, and she leaned into me. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her chest against me. I slipped my hands up her back. She pressed her whole body into me. I said, “Now let me clarify this. That is your crotch pressed firmly into mine?”
“I would say that is my crotch,” and she grabbed the sides of my face, and kissed me. “Hey, how easy you gonna be?”
I pulled my phone out, and called Larry. “Hey, go home without me.”
“All ready home there asshole,” Larry laughed and hung up.
We got into her car, and drove down to the highway. “I don’t want you to think that I had this planned or anything, cause I didn’t,” she said. “So I think we need to stop and pick some things up. Unless your prepared.”
“I wasn’t expecting this. So no I am not prepared.” So we got off the highway, stopped at a gas station, and I ran inside. I grabbed a box of Trojans from the shelf, and walked up to the counter. It wasn’t the act of buying condoms that gave me a problem; it was the look that the clerk gave me anytime I put them down on the counter. Especially at three in the morning, you would think that people would be glad other people would be buying condoms. It shows responsibility, since they are trying to prevent themselves from creating offspring or spreading STD’s. But it’s always the speculation in the clerk’s eyes that I would ever need condoms.
I gave him the money and “Yeah, right” shined on his face as I walked out the door. I get back into Allie’s car, and we headed to her house, and I asked, “You live with your mom don’t you?”
“Yeah, but she works nights, and won’t be back till around ten in the morning.” She pulled the car into her driveway; we got out and walked over to her front door. She fumbled with her keys, but finally got the door open. She took my hand, and led me inside. “My little sister is home, but her room is on the other side of the house. And she’s really good at keeping her mouth shut.”
“So, I don’t have to be quiet?” I grabbed her at the hips, and pulled her into me.
“Yes, but it also means I don’t have to be quiet.” Allies eyes widened and pushed my hand down to her ass. Then she took my hand and led me into her bedroom.
Some guys say the best part about going home with a girl, aside from having sex, is the first few minutes in her bedroom; the adrenaline, the anxiety, and just being in this girl’s safest place. But I had narrowed it down to two exact moments that have to happen. First, the girl has to go into the room and touch the bed. It could be as subtle as her running her hand over the covers, or she could rush in and jump on the bed. Then there’s the moment of truth, the shoes coming off. It’s not an exact science, but from my experience that has always been the inciting incidents for sex.
My clothes hung from the lamp, and the T.V. I tore at her clothes with the same ferocity launching them toward the ceiling fan, and everywhere else. All hell was breaking loose as we hit the bed. Her skin was so smooth, and I couldn’t help touching her everywhere. I let myself go into the moment, and had to fight not to lose myself, because if you win here you lose. I just hope that I came in a close second, not a landslide first. But the gashes in my back proved I was on the winning team, and I would gladly walk away with the silver in the individual medley.

“Did you hear that?” Allie said, shooting up out of the bed.
“No, go back to sleep.” I pulled the pillow over my head. The sun was attacking the window, gunning for my eyes.
“No, really, that was the front door! I think my mom’s home. Fuck!” She grabbed her robe. “Hide, now!”
“Score.” I fell out of the bed, and hobbled to her bathroom. I heard Allie say good morning.
Then a quiet response that had to be her mother, “Aren’t you working today young lady?”
“Not till three. Why you home so early? It’s only 6:30.” Allie and her mother must have been right outside her bedroom door. Through the crack in the bathroom door I could see my clothes hanging in the same places we left them. And the most obvious beacon of this girl’s sex life, the box of condoms sitting on the nightstand.
I tried to stand as still as possible, my weight shifting normally between my feet, but the bathroom floor creaked at every little difference in pressure. My bladder felt like it was tearing itself apart, and I had to fight the urge not to wash my face. If I had to confront her mother that’s all I needed was a beard a total mess from the night before; a sick spin on morning breathe.
The bathroom door opened slowly, and I braced for a spread of buckshot to the chest. “ Hey, she’s going to breakfast with her new boyfriend. I don’t know how long it’s gonna take her to get ready. And stop moving in here.” Allie smiled, “I can hear the floor creaking. You might want to get under the bed. It might be safer. Go now.”
I dove for the bed, grabbing my pants, and shirt. Allie knocked the box of condoms down behind the nightstand and kicked my shoes under the bed with me as she left the room.
From under the bed, I saw two pairs of feet come into the room. “Hey, why do you want a pair of my shoes?” Allie asked.
“Because, those blue ones with the gold clasp you have go better with these pants.” Her mother rummaged through her closet, her feet only a few feet from my face, and this went on for what seemed like hours. I had to fight the urge not to grab Allie’s mother’s feet while Allie told her that she looked great and should go so she wouldn’t be late for her date.
Stabbing pains shot through my abdomen, and more then once I considered pissing myself lying on my stomach there under the bed. Finally I heard the front door open and close. I saw feet come running into the room and Allie dropped to her knees and looked under the bed. “You all right?”
“Better now.” I crawled out from under the bed and ran for the bathroom. Allie was on the bed when I came out. I never really thought skin could glow brown, but hers did against the white sheets and pillows.
“You mind missing class?” She pulled her knees to her chest, and rolled over onto them.
“No I do not,” and I jumped onto the bed.

The house was quiet when I pushed the door open. Larry had kicked the door in the first week we lived there. Our other roommates thought it would be funny to lock Larry outside. But he didn’t see the humor, and fired his foot into the door handle shattering the deadbolt. I’m glad that the deadbolt was sturdy.
I sat at the kitchen table, and just looked around the room. The walls had this horrible fresco look to them, this wretched and picture less, white fresco. The plaster raised-up with badly used trowels, and brushes. Not pretty, but without a painting, without any color, there was still something there to appreciate.
I got up and walked to the bathroom. I ignored the door, and walked through the man-sized hole in the wall. The original idea of the hole was to have a window between the bathroom and living room so less people would use this bathroom during parties. I saved tons of money on toilet paper. But my friend Homer decided to modify the window by firing himself through the wall, creating an alternate entrance. I finished up and went to my room and crawled into bed.
I could have only been asleep for a few hours when my door opened slowly, and someone said, “Hey Ry, you can’t be sleeping right now.”
“Who the fuck?” I turned my head, and from the enormous silhouette in the door I could tell who it was, “Why the hell are you here Homer?”
“It’s party time!” Homer sounded like a giddy little schoolgirl.
“Not tonight. Who the fuck decided on this?” I sat up and swung my feet to the floor.
“Your asshole roommate called me an hour ago. But he hasn’t gotten back yet. He went to pick up some sluts or something.” Homer sat down at my computer, and clicked Winamp on. “Hey, where the hell is that stupid Manowar song at? What is it called?”
“Carry on,” I said. “ Plus, I hate you. Is anyone else here?” and I sat up.
“Tim, his woman, her cousin, Coco, and Gadar showed up so far.” Homer scrolled though the list of music.
“Really even Gadar came down.” I slipped my Pumas on and stood up.
“Jay and Mike are coming down.” Homer’s eyes were barely open while he looked through the list.
“They got out of the hospital all ready? They were both naked in the accident weren’t they?” I asked.
“Yeah, and I don’t know how they lived. Mike was out the same day, but Jay ruptured a kidney, and had to have a bunch of shit done to clean him up. The car’s fenders were touching on the other side of the fucking tree!” Homer gave up and leaned back in the chair.
“How long have you been drinking anyway?” I asked.
“Got to the Pub at two this afternoon, and its nine now. So about twenty-seven hours.” Homer laughed.
“I’ll play the song for you later, idiot.” I walked out to the living room, the hall glowed red since we only had red bulbs in the lamps around the house, and there were about ten people sitting on my couch and floor.
Larry finally got back, and set up shop at the end of the driveway to collect the entrance fee. The night just got steadily worse. More people used the fence in the back yard rather than walk up the stairs to the other bathroom. I got more and more annoyed, because there was nothing going on and there were a bunch of drunks I didn’t like all around me.
Things turned around when Homer decided to punch himself in the face. This is one of his stages of drunkenness. It would be followed by him looking to actually fight someone, and then end with him trying to break a bottle over his head knocking himself unconscious. Homer landed with his ass sticking up in the air, his head against the basement door. I grabbed a magic marker. “ Hey Bob, you got your camera?” I pulled Homer’s shorts down, drew a huge penis on his right ass cheek, and “I love cock” on the left.
“That’s fucked up, man!” Bob said while he snapped a picture. Homer didn’t stir. And short of sodomizing Homer, I ran out of ideas to torture him with. So, I walked back to the living room.
“Hey want a Jell-O-shot?” Tim’s girlfriend Sarah asked me.
“He doesn’t drink, remember,” Tim said.
“No thank you though,” I said.
“That’s right. Sorry Ryan. I forgot,” Sarah said.
“Brooke, right? Are you having a good time?” I said to Sarah’s cousin sitting next to her on the couch.
“Yeah,” Brooke stared at me. Her hair fell long and blonde in the front across her blue eyes, and short and brown in the back. I had seen her once dancing in a club. I hate dance music, but I couldn’t help watching her then.
“Good, good.” I walked back to my room, sat down on the bed and cradled my head in my hands.
“Hey, you all right?” Brooke stood in the doorway, her silhouette thin, and pretty. I didn’t want to think about this though. “ Mind if I come in?”
“I’m all right, and yeah come in.” I would have just preferred to go to sleep, alone. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, just a little bored.” She turned as she walked in and pressed the door closed with her chest. And before I could really think it through she was on top of me. Her left hand down my pants, and her right pinning me down on the bed. She kissed me with more experience in her tongue than I could ever have imagined. I kissed back, but my hands pushed away. I groped with my lips to hold onto hers, but she slid off of me to her knees on the floor.
“All you had to do was ask.” She slid her fingers under the waist of my jeans, the button slipped out of the hole, and she started to tug down. A day earlier, but I couldn’t do this now. I hadn’t even showered yet.
“No, stop. I can’t do this right now.” I grabbed her shoulders, and lifted her back to the bed. Why the hell am I saying no? Damn it! No means yes, and stop means it feels good!
“Can I kiss you again then?” She leaned into me. Why couldn’t this be last week?
“I’m sorry. I can’t. Not now.” My hand slid from her shoulder over her ribs, over her hip. It would be so easy. No effort at all.
“Sarah told me that you aren’t easy. You don’t drink. Is that the problem? You don’t want me cause I’m drunk?” She ran her hand up my shoulder to the back of my hair, grabbed a handful, and pulled.
It had nothing to do with her being drunk, I knew that now. But, I didn’t want to admit it. “Yeah, I don’t want to do this with you drunk. It doesn’t seem fair, come back sober, and you might have yourself a chance.” I got up and sat in the director’s chair in front of my computer. Brooke stood, and moved behind me. She began to massage my shoulders, and neck. Her fingers dug between muscles, and wrecked knots.
Her hands moved slowly over to my chest, and I closed my eyes. Just let it happen. That’s all I have to do. Then down my stomach, my pants still undone. Just let her. Her hand under my waist band, but barely able to fit. Her festering liver all over my ear, and she whispers, “ Can I please?”
“Hey there you are!” Sarah said from the doorway. I didn’t even hear the door open. I’m so glad she’s so rude.
“Nothing, just hanging out with Ryan here.” Her hand quickly let loose, and slid back up my stomach. Her arms wrapped around my neck. She obviously wasn’t ready to give up, but Sarah shot her a look of disgust. The word slut practically scrolled across Sarah’s eyes. So Brooke whispered that she would take me up on my offer some time she was sober, and Sarah coaxed her from my room.
I spent the rest of my night in my chair, focused on the pain in the base of my groin knowing that would be my only shot with Brooke. And all I could think was how much of a loser I looked like.

The sun was finally up, and I opened my eyes. I was still in the chair, and I lifted my head. Pain shot down my spine, and up into my eyes. I stood and shook my pants to my ankles. I stepped out of them and grabbed a towel.
Larry was sitting at the kitchen table when I got out of the shower. “ Hey, why didn’t you fuck that girl last night?”
“Why do you care? And does it really matter?” I stood, almost dry already, in the doorway to the kitchen.
“It matters to the gods of fun and sex! Who cares that she has a boyfriend, and is going through a divorce with some shit-head she eloped with when she was nineteen. You should have shown her a thing or two about a thing or two,” Larry said.
“What? I didn’t know that. Now I’m glad I didn’t do anything with her. I only had one condom.” I walked over and opened the fridge door. Grabbed a bottle of water, and took a swig.
“I hear she’s an animal, it would have been so worth it.” Larry stood and grabbed a book from the table. “ I’m heading to class.”
“Let me know if anything interesting happens. I’m gonna call Allie and see if she wants to get some lunch.” I picked lint from my belly button.
“That’s right! How the hell did that go?” Larry stopped short and spun around.
“Now that was worth it. Long story short, I ended up under her bed, trying my hardest not to grab her mom’s foot as she walked around the room, and not piss myself for almost two hours.” I continued to pick at my belly button.
“That’s awesome!”
“Yeah, it really was. I’ll tell you the rest later. I need to get dressed.” I went to my room, put on my underwear, and my phone rang. “ Hello.”
“Hey, it’s Allie. What’s up?” her voice excited and quick.
“I’m good and you?” I said
“Sore actually. Hey can I come over?” she asked.
“Yeah, you want to?” I said
“Of course. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to. I get out of work in about ten minutes. What’s your street again? I’ve only gotten there every time cause you were sitting next to me.”
“Arch St. You got that.”
“Yeah. Hey, what are you wearing?”
“What? Just my underwear.”
“Good, don’t change a thing.”

The next few weeks went by the same. We actually squeezed in a dinner and movie once or twice between all the sweating. My roommates enjoyed breaking into my room mid-coitus, as I enjoyed doing to them. The strange thing was that it never really fazed Allie. Not that she was putting a show on for them, but once they left we went right back at it.
I finally broke down and brought her to meet my mom. The night went smoothly with no crazy talk. Pleasant and better than I expected.
“Hey, I guess you should meet my mom now,” Allie said as we walked to her car.
“Yeah, but let me know if I stare at her feet. I don’t want to look like a freak or anything.”
And I met her mother, and kept from staring at her feet. I was a perfect gentleman, and she loved me.
“I think she approves.” Allie took my hand as we stepped out the front door. We hadn’t touched each other in front of her mother. “Hey sit with me for a few minutes. I need to tell you something.”
“Sure what’s up?” I sat down next to her on the concrete steps. Goose bumps raised the hair on my arms.
“I’m just going to say this, but I don’t really want to talk about it. And you don’t have to say anything. Actually I don’t want you to say anything at all. Just listen. O.K.” She stared at the cracks in the concrete step under her feet. “I think, no, I am falling for you.” She rested her head on my shoulder, and stared at the street.
“Um- -“
“No, don’t say anything. Here, I'll take you back to your house. Just don’t say anything.” She stood up, looked into my eyes, reached out for my hand, and pulled me to her car.
The ride to my house was silent. Not even the radio was on. But, in my head, I kept screaming ME TOO! And it was just easier to stay quiet, or at least I had to tell myself that. I didn’t even notice that we pulled into my driveway until the car stopped. Without thinking I asked, “ Would you like to come in for a bit?”
“No, I just want to get some sleep. I won’t sleep if I stay here tonight. I have to open the store tomorrow.” She smiled. “ You gonna meet me half way?”
I leaned in half way to her, and she did the same. We kissed, and then said goodnight, and I got out of the car. And as I walked to the house my legs started to shake, and my chest twisted up. Sweat began to bead on my forehead. I pushed the door open, went to my room, and got into bed.

My phone rang, and I searched my nightstand for it. I put it to the side of my face the wasn’t submerged in drool and said, “Hello.”
“Hey, I just wanted to say hi,” Allie said.
“Hi, you working?” I asked.
“No I’m getting ready meet up with my sister,” she said.
“Oh. You working at the club tonight?”
“Yeah. You’re still sleeping, huh?”
“I was,” I said.
“Go back to sleep then. I’ll see you later.”
“Bub-bye.” I threw the phone across the floor. The off the hook noise started, and I just let it go on. When it stopped I thought, oh that’s how long it takes to stop doing that. Then I pulled the covers over my head.
I got up, got ready, and made it to work a half hour early. I got all my set up done, and I sat and watched CNN for a bit. Martha Stewart’s friends were writing letters to the judge on her case, and pleaded for leniency since she was such a great person. No one came in for hours, and I made it through the night with little more to do than change out a keg. I washed my bar up, mopped and waxed the dance floor. I rode the dumb waiter with the mop buckets. Always living on the edge, because more often than not the bastard got stuck between the floors. The only way to get it down was to climb up the shaft, release the brake, and let it drop.
“Hey, any idea where Allie was tonight?” Sharon’s teeth accosted me as I stepped out of the dumb waiter.
“I don’t know. She told me earlier that she would be here.” I pulled the buckets over to the sink.
“Well, if you talk to her, tell her she better thank God it was dead tonight, or I would have to fire her.” And she walked away. It was weird that she didn’t show but everyone plays hooky every once in a while.
I snagged a ride home with Chad, and I tried not to talk to him but it was inevitable. “ s Allie as a good a fuck as she looks? You can tell me.”
“Of course.” I just wanted to get home, but on the other hand I wanted to tell him how pathetic he was. That he would never have a chance to get with a girl as awesome as Allie. That he would never connect with anyone enough to actually understand how good it could be.
“Bullshit, you know, I think you’re a liar,” Chad said like he just caught a little kid in a lie.
“I don’t need your recognition, you little prick. Just like you’re not on a legal supplement routine, you pimply faced pussy!” I sounded like the roid rager now.
“Wow, I was just fucking with you. Say you threw it in anyone you want.”
“Whatever. Just drive the fucking car,” I said. We got to my house, and I got out of the car. He spun his tires, kicking gravel all over the road as he pulled away out of my driveway. I walked up the steps, and pushed the door open. All the lights were off, but I heard squeaking through the kitchen ceiling. Larry was home, and not alone. Good for him.
I checked the answering machine for messages, but nothing. Same with my voicemail. Someone might have erased the answering machine, but I trained my roommates well enough not to erase or fuck with anyone else’s shit.
I flipped the light on in my room, but red was all that came from the tit-shaped light fixture. I grabbed the phone, and struggled to find the numbers.
“Hello,” Allie barely got the word out.
“Hey it’s me. You all right?” I said.
“Yeah, baby. I’m good. How are you?” She slurred.
“Are you drunk?” I asked.
“No not really. Just a little. Don’t hate me, please,” she said
“It’s all right. I don’t hate you. But you missed work tonight."
Yeah, I know. My sister’s boyfriend cheated on her. So we went and got her drunk. Maybe we got a little too drunk.”
“You didn’t drive home did you?” I asked.
“Yeah, but don’t hate me. We got home safe. It was no big deal.”
“That’s not the point, Allison.” That’s right I used her whole name, and she heard it clear. “ I said you could call me if anything like that happens. Why don’t you think? I would have found you a ride!”
“You don’t need to say it like that. We got home fine. O.K. I’m going back to sleep. I’ll call you in the morning.” And she hung the phone up on me. The thing was I couldn’t sleep till I got that call. But noon rolled around, and the boob on my ceiling got blurry and the phone never rang.
I got up and made it to class. My eyes blood shot, and crusty. I made it back to the house around six. Larry was eating a sandwich. “ Shit, you look like hell.”
“Awesome. Any calls?” I said.
“Just some asshole selling spring break vacation packages. I totally fucked up his script. I demanded he supply twelve-year-old Korean boys, and he would have himself a sale. Listen I taped it on the answering machine!” Larry played it for me and we laughed. “ Hey, my dad dropped off this platter of sandwiches from a party he had last night.”
“Finally some real food,” And I had myself a sandwich. I then went to my room and called Allie’s house, but she wasn’t there. Then work, not there either.
“Hey Ry, you ready for work? I’ve got my dad’s truck tonight,” Larry yelled down the stairs from his room.
We got to work, and I checked to see if Allie was scheduled. Yes, and no she wasn’t there yet. The whole night I kept my head down. I really didn’t want to listen to Sharon about this. Larry and I got our side work done quick and jetted home.
Larry eased the truck down the driveway. We had to flip the mirrors in on both sides so they didn’t scrape down the house or the fence separating the gas station next door. Allie’s car sat at an angle to the deck, the car door still open.
“What the fuck,” I said. Larry pulled his truck up next to her car; I hopped out and checked out the car. The keys were still in it, so I grabbed them and slammed the door shut. I walked up the stairs and tossed her keys into the gutter above the door as I walked in the house.
I went to my room; the air was thick and acrid. My eyes watered. Alcohol, and vomit mixed with sweat. My trashcan was pulled up next to my bed. At least she was lying on her stomach, and there was only a little bit of puke on the edge of the bed.
“Hey, wake up.” I fought not to yell.
“Why?” She groaned.
“I’m gonna get you in the shower, and you need to drink some water. Have you eaten anything?”
“No. Just give me my keys.” She pushed herself up, but fell back to the bed.
“Definitely not. What the hell were you thinking? Never mind.” I kneeled down and slid her shoes off. Then her socks. If Chad had a fantasy about Allie, this was probably it. Allie too drunk to fight, slipping her clothes off slowly. I got her pants off, and then slid her shirt up over her head.
This didn’t make me hot. I didn’t even want to touch her. Her skin stuck to mine, and she lay there in her underwear. She looked pathetic, not even slightly attractive.
“Do you love me?” she asked.
“Let’s not talk about that right now.” I didn’t even want to look at her. “Come on, you need to shower.” I picked her up, and carried her to the bathroom. I sat her on the toilet, and slid my fingers under the elastic waistband on her underwear. How many times had I done that? This didn’t feel like any of those times. I had to fight to do it.
I pulled them down and over her feet. Her legs spread when I let go. “ That’s what you want isn’t it?” Her head leaned back on the tank, her eyes closed, and her skin in high contrast against the porcelain.
“No, you stink. Come on.” I pulled her up, undid her bra, and turned the shower on. I waited to put her in till it was warm. Her breasts hung against my stomach. Not pressed into me, but just hung barely touching me. I put her in, and I started washing her. My hand ran over her body. Something I enjoyed so many times in the past. My hand ran over her pubic hair, and that’s what it was. Nothing more. And I couldn’t get how disgusted it made me feel out of my head. Her breasts nothing more than bland skin. “All right. Let’s go.”
She stood up herself as I grabbed a towel. My shirt and pants soaked because I didn’t get undressed before I brought her to the shower. I wrapped her in the towel, and carried her to my room. I got a t-shirt on her, but goose bumps sprung up all over her body, so I grabbed a pair of fleece pants and tried to get them over her smooth feet and calves. But she spread her legs again stopping my hands at her knees. She giggled. Her box was right there. But all I could smell was liquor sweat and I forced her knees together.
“You hate me. Don’t hate me,” she said. I took off my clothes, and slipped on some shorts. Then I climbed into bed next to her. I stared at the ceiling and tried not to hate her. I tried as hard as I could while she snuggled into my side. Her liver rotting on the side of my face.
She woke up when the sun did. Went to the bathroom. She came back in and asked, “Can I have my keys?”
“No. Lay down. Sleep some more off,” and I rolled over towards the wall. I heard her start rifling through my drawers, my desk, then the kitchen. Finally she gave up and came back to bed, lying as close to the edge as possible. Around noon I gave in and got her keys from the gutter. She didn’t kiss me goodbye, she didn’t even say goodbye. She didn’t look at me either. She just left. I called her to make sure she got home, but her sister said she wasn’t there.
I called every night for a week. “ Is Allie there?”
“No,” she would answer. “What do you want?” Like a mediator would ask, leaving me guessing if Allie was sitting right there.
“Just tell her I hope she’s O.K. And that she can call me anytime. Bye.”
Finally after a few weeks of this she called me from her day job. “ Hey, I need to say something. I’ve been thinking about this very seriously.”
“You sure have had enough time to roll it over in your head,” I said.
“See, its shit like that I don’t need. I’m done, we’re done. I have to go,” She said, but didn’t hang up.
“Figures. Just come see me. We can just talk.” I began to cry, not hard just enough to notice.
“I don’t think we should. I can’t do this anymore.” And now I could hear her sob between breathes.
“Do what? Fuck up? Have problems? Or is solving the part you can’t deal with? Come on lets try and talk about this?” I said.
“No it’s over. I have to go, Ryan. Bye.” And she hung up. I didn’t dare call her back. I couldn’t. Not that day. She quit waitressing, and over the next few days, I would call her job hoping to hear her answer the phone. But I would just hang the phone up. Right now though, my tears leave spots on the wood floor between my feet. The drops seep through my hands cupped on my face.
After calling her each time, I would go and sit in a plastic chair on the back porch. One night Larry popped his head out the door and asked, “ You all right? It’s fucking cold out here.”
“No, but it’s cool,” I said.
“Well, if you want to talk, let me know.” I nodded, but just sat there.